Let’s be honest: 2020 has been the worst. THE WORST!!!
On February 20th, I returned from an awesome trip to Paris, France. I walked, ate a lot and just enjoyed my time in one of my favorite cities. At no point was I prepared or ready for the madness of the coronavirus. One day I am planning my vacation for summer 2020 and the next day the media was calling NYC the epicenter of the coronavirus. Everything happened so quickly that there was no way to prepare.
On Sunday March 15th, the mayor of NYC closed all schools until April 20th and all non-essential services were ordered to work from home (WFH). Within 24 hours, my never asleep, brilliant, vibrant city became a ghost town. Me, being me, went to the library with 15 books to return on Monday March 16th and the library was closed. THE LIBRARY WAS CLOSED!! Outside of the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, the public libraries in BK are my favorite places. I am a reader; I love the written word and it’s how I deal with most of my stresses. A good book and a cup of tea will solve (or at least give me a break from) most of life’s issues. But now the library was also off limits as was the Gardens, all restaurants, movie theatres, EVERYTHING!! I was like a drug addict that was cut off from her supplier, with no warning at all. Then I was told I would have to homeschool my 12-year-old middle school son, with no outside outlet for his energy.
The Five Stages of Grief during a Pandemic
● Denial - They cannot be serious about this. School will open after Spring Break and everything will get back to normal.
● Anger - WTF? Did I piss someone off? If not, why are you taking away all my joy?! I had to cancel my summer vacation, cancel all summer plans for my son, and I couldn’t drown my stress at a boozy brunch with 5-10 of my closest friends. Everything that matters to me has been taken away. WHY and WTF!!!!!?
● Bargaining - Okay, so if I stay at home and social distance, we will get through this and we will be okay.
● Depression - 778 people died last night from the virus. We have had 2 conservative weeks with daily death totals over 500. We are all going to die. I am bored and restless. I hate cooking 3 meals a day every day. I hate homeschooling. Seriously, we need to pay teachers a lot more money. I hate looking out my window and seeing no one (I live in a population dense area and the streets were empty for weeks). I hate everything about this moment and I just want to lay in my bed and cry. Except my son is needy and by law I have to feed him.
● Acceptance - School has been canceled for the rest of the school year. While deaths are under 500/night, the number of people with the virus is increasing daily. I am tired of being bored and restless. I need a better plan of action going forward.
Thank God that when Acceptance came the weather also got better and the sun started to shine. I just got to the point where I realized that “it is what is it” and I can either grow or be miserable. My personality is happy, I am usually a content person. Those feelings of anger and depression weren’t me and I didn’t like it. I talked to a few friends about what they were doing to deal with this stressful situation. A few were writing journals, some scrapbooking, and others working out or doing some form of art (coloring books, taking pics, etc.). One of my trainers asked me to write a blog about food and traveling because I have been so helpful whenever she traveled.
I first started walking and meeting a few people in my neighborhood who were game for three-to-six-mile walks. I made sure I attended my kickboxing classes three times a week and planned outings to get fresh air and relearn my city. The parks (for younger kids with equipment) and libraries are still closed, but open spaces are still accessible around the city. One day I walked the perimeter of Prospect Park because there were too many people inside the park. It was quite peaceful, and I got another view of the park from the outside (perimeter about 4 miles).
I then had to decide what else to do because my brain was demanding to be used. I created a to do list (because I am type A) to start writing blog posts on my favorite subjects: traveling, food, and organizing. I have anxiety and I know myself enough to know that I am not ready to move to social media (I am only on LinkedIn right now), but I also know that I need to move outside my comfort zone to grow. So, I write and will continue to write until I have nothing else to say (my friends are laughing because I talk a lot).
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